September 21, 2008

In an effort to shatter the 100 mile distance record set just 24 hours ago, the team spent 12 hours riding through the upper Cumberland Plateau in hopes to reach it to Nashville in time to spend the night on the town. The city lights were seen from over 40 miles away and were the driving force behind the team’s unusual ambition. After five days of camping behind abandoned buildings, empty churches and battling baseball size spiders, the team was looking forward to a shower and a real bed. By 8:30 that evening they were checked into the hotel on Broadway. The official new record for longest distance in a 24 hour period was 122.1 miles.

Record Shattered and a Time Zone Crossed! is a post from: Olin A. Patterson

September 20, 2008

Back road Tennessee can become a very scary place. With the disbursement of rural communities being so spread out, a tax dollar deficit has sufficed bringing an unstable political vacuum into the region. With the lack of Marshall Law, ruthless gangs of canines have been growing in power vying for the countries precious resources (The absence of a humane society and a free nuder-ing clinic are also to blame). Each time the team rode across unmarked gang territories, packs of carnivorous canines with blood-lust in their eyes would lay siege on the riders. Throughout the day, it was estimated that over 50 dogs had tried different tactics in trying to slay the trespassers. They talked to another cyclist that day that was once attacked by a dog while going down-hill in the region and broke 13 bones when the dog knocked him off his bicycle. Petrified but ready to defend themselves, the team made haste through the rural political unrest and reached the safety of metropolis Nashville by sundown.

Gang Warfare is the New Higher Law is a post from: Olin A. Patterson

Pete Eich was a little upset at me… I think I lost my map privileges after this

September 19, 2008

While traversing the mountainous regions of eastern Tennessee in the heat of day, the team took a wrong turn and found themselves 12 miles off course. Navigator Olin Patterson refused to comment on this seemingly dubious blunder, but did attempt to blame a pack of harmless cows for eating the US Highway sign that was supposed to lead them in the right direction. This hypothesis proved to be untrue when the group back tracked those twelve miles of hellacious ascent in the burning heat, only to find a perfectly decent US Highway sign appropriately placed where it was supposed to be all along.

Shoot Me: I’m Lost, Starving, and Miserable is a post from: Olin A. Patterson

September 20, 2008

Sunday marked the first Century Day, where the riders had to complete 100 miles in a 24 hour period. With the mountains keeping them at a slow pace, they managed to complete the 100 mile journey in 10 hours and 23 minutes. The ride went 1 hour into the night, and it was reported that as soon as the odometer clicked at 100.0 miles the exhausted team turned right of the road and passed out in the highway rivine under a billion stars during that black Tennessee night.

The First Century is a post from: Olin A. Patterson

September 19, 2008

Ever since Samuel Walton overthrew the middle man, cut out employee benefits, and designed an automated inventory system, he created a consumer mecca never seen before in the history of human gluttony. No where else can you buy 600 calories of ‘Spagghettios’, two bananas, and can of pineapples in heavy syrup all for 87 cents. Though the team agrees that it is this stroke of genius that has allowed them to survive for so long on such little financial support, they also recognize a loss of American Micro-Culture that for so long made the small American town unique. It is a great paradox that has occured as consumers find that the Walmarts, CVSs’, and Walgreens that fuel the Corporate American Structure are the more economically feasible outlet for purchaser needs. As it becomes more apparent that one could live their entire life in Walmart alone, there is a feeling of loss in the region as the little guys and unique handmade goods of small town America dissipate.

…check out this awesome(ly horrible) blog about peopleofwalmart.

All Hail King Walton… Literally. is a post from: Olin A. Patterson

September 18, 2008

While setting up camp behind an empty old church in middle Tennessee, the team was visited by an old man cruising down the highway in his mule drawn carriage. The boys jumped on for a ride into the sunset, while they danced in their chairs to fiddle music and fine southern hospitality. As the night went on, you could hear the boys in high spirits as they carried a little moonshine in their hands and some starlight in their hair.

Southern Hospitality: The Finest in the World is a post from: Olin A. Patterson

September 18, 2008

Earlier Today at approximately 9:46 am EST, the group was spotted breaching the northern border of Tennessee. Their hunger was enough to shut down the city of Bristol as the team raided multiple restaurants in an attempt to satisfy their constant hunger. After sacking the city, they were spotted heading southwest on Highway 11 in an effort to take over the state’s capital in Nashville.

Breaking News: Border Breached! is a post from: Olin A. Patterson

September 18, 2008

Once romanced as being so raw and untamed, the American continent in just a few short centuries has become much different. It seems that the same exotic and vast land that Mark Twain, Walt Whitman and many other famous authors have so passionately spoke of has quickly changed from undefined and adventurous to a demanding and engrossing society. And though so much is changing it is always refreshing when the team stumbles upon something that gives a glimpse to their American past. An old town like a beat up truck, or an ancient railway line that was once the backbone of this great continent.

Ain’t That America is a post from: Olin A. Patterson

September 18, 2008

In Don Quixote’s Adventures, his faithful sidekick and noble steed Rocinante was always with him aiding in his trials and fantastic Sallies. That same spirit of Rocinante was found in John Steinbecks ‘Travel’s with Charley’ as he embarked on his search for America as a 1952 Ford Pick-Up Truck with a camper attached. As the boys journey in search of their own America today, they are reminded of that theme Rocinante brought to so many explorers as a vessel that guides them through their own discovery. Though the composites have changed through time, that idea of discovery is more alive today than ever before.

My Dearest ‘Rocinante’ is a post from: Olin A. Patterson

September 17, 2008

Noble Peter Eich of valiant descent and honorable heritage has turned 23 today. The celebrations lasted two days and aided in bringing the teams miles-per-day average very low. Regardless, the festivities started in Roanoke and ended in a ditch along side the river in the city of Radford when a couple friendly police officers awoke them from their camp and made them get on their way.

A Birthday Celebration is a post from: Olin A. Patterson